This post was inspired by a comment made by a Facebook friend following yesterday’s post Talking to my Daughter about Breastfeeding. My friend and I gently disagree about a variety of parenting topics, which can lead to some pretty interesting and thought-provoking conversations. She wrote:
I know you feel very strongly about breastfeeding, Molly, but I hope when Gabi becomes an adult and is faced with this decision, you will support her choice either way.
My initial reaction to the comment was to feel a little defensive. I thought to myself, Of course I’ll support her! She’s my daughter!
But then I started thinking… How will I do that? And what does “support” mean in the context of communicating with the next generation about breastfeeding, which is the theme of this year’s WBW.
The first step in supporting my daughter (and her sister) begins now. It begins with educating her about the biological normalcy of breastfeeding and modeling breastfeeding as a normal, every-day practice like I talked about in yesterday’s post.
It continues by me continuing in my role as a breastfeeding activist (lactivist). I write my congressperson asking that they support legislation that allow women to breastfeed in public, mandate access to space and time to express milk for working moms, and enforcing rules mandating that breastfeeding support and supplies be covered by insurance companies. Some of this has already happened and some of it is still being worked on. Click here for more information from Representative Carolyn Maloney who is a primary force in congress for pushing this type of legislation. I can also vote for candidates who support more family friendly employment legislation including longer paid maternity leave.
I can support UNICEF’s Baby Friendly Hospital Initiative . I can continue to encourage doctors and hospitals to refrain from handing out the free bags of formula samples to any and all new and expectant mothers. I can support companies that adhere to the WHO’s International Code of Marketing of Breastmilk Substitutes. I can encourage US companies to adhere to this code through letter-writing and by choosing not to purchase products by code violators.
By working hard to improve the lives of all women nationally and globally, I create a better and more supportive world for my daughters and help support their breastfeeding success.
I can make sure that my daughters are provided with correct, evidence-based, and helpful information. This goes far deeper than the pamphlet they gave me at the hospital when Gabi was born (that was a part of the Enfamil-sponsored “Breastfeeding Bag” that included free formula and a free pacifier) that listed the “benefits” of breastfeeding and provided some vague information about breastfeeding “obstacles.” It goes deeper than the lactation consultant who spent about 15 minutes with me before handing me a nipple shield and telling me she didn’t think I’d be able to breastfeed because my breasts were the wrong shape.
Correct, evidence-base information means making sure my daughters will have access to real, Internationally Board Certified Lactation Consultants, doctors and/or midwives who are knowledgeable and truly supportive of breastfeeding, and other breastfeeding women through La Leche League and other breastfeeding organizations and groups.
At an individual level, supporting my daughters when they are beginning to breastfeed means simply being there. It means listening. It means sharing my experiences openly and honestly with them. It means being willing to be with them to help with chores during the first few weeks to allow them time to get past the initial learning curve. It may mean advocating for them with medical professionals and helping them find accurate information if difficulty arises. It means knowing the right questions to ask to help them understand what the source of an issue might be (such as true low supply vs. perception of low supply or bad latch vs. thrush).
Supporting my daughters does not mean offering to feed the baby at night to “let [them] get some rest.” It does not mean saying, “You know, why don’t you give yourself a break and just give a bottle of formula.” It means talking to them about issues in an honest and gentle way and not hiding facts to protect them from “feeling guilty.” It means connecting them with resources like Kellymom and the Infant Risk Center.
Now, at this point, I know what my friend is thinking. She’s saying to herself, “That’s not what I meant when I asked her to support her daughter’s breastfeeding decision.” I know my friend, and I know that what she meant was, will I be willing to support my daughters if they choose not to breastfeed at all.
Let me be perfectly honest here and say that this entire idea makes my skin crawl. I simply cannot wrap my mind around the idea of one of my daughters choosing not to breastfeed. I cannot imagine a woman who has the real support of her family and community looking at the science presented to her and saying, “You know, while I know that I can breastfeed, I just don’t want to.” In a simple, honest, and scientific risks/benefits analysis of formula feeding, there is just no way I can imagine someone making that choice. There. I said it. It’s out there. I’m not nearly as open-minded as I pretend to be.
This is why it’s important to communicate with my daughters early on about this. I want them to grow up viewing breastfeeding, not as some lofty and special goal to “achieve” but as something that is normal. It is simply what we do. It’s not about guilt. It’s not about competition. It’s just what we do. Like putting the fresh roll of toilet paper on the roll with the paper going over the roll instead of under it. Just like in my daughter’s book: Mammals breathe fresh air, have fur or hair, and nurse their young.
By the time they are adults and are ready to have children, my fervent hope is that the question will not be, “Do you plan to breastfeed?” but “How can I help you get breastfeeding off to a good start?”
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I’m celebrating World Breastfeeding Week with Natural Parents Network!
You can, too — link up your breastfeeding posts from August 1-7 in the linky below, and enjoy reading, commenting on, and sharing the posts collected here and on Natural Parents Network.
(Visit NPN for the code to place on your blog.)
Filed under: Breastfeeding
